Okay so, I feel I need to share what’s been going on. Many of you know, many of you have no idea what I’m about to say. As some of you know, I spent my fall break and the first week back to school, in and out of doctors appointments. Well the week before college started I had a small lump on my neck. We thought it was nothing until my mom and dad came to pick me up for fall break and it had grew twice it’s size. Well we went to the doctor to get it looked at, and 4 tests and 7 needles later, the worst news imaginable was said. I never thought in a million years I would ever have to type to my best friend the words “I have cancer” but today I had to do that. I have Metastatic melanoma. No I don’t know what that is, and no I don’t know what happens next. I also am not handling it the best, but all I do know is I will be strong. I will fight with all I have, and even through the tears and the breakdowns, I will praise God’s mighty name. Gods got this…my times are in your hands God! 

What It’s Like To Be In Love When You Have Depression 

My depression doesn’t care that I am in a relationship with a boy who makes me laugh, tells me I’m beautiful 20 times a day, and cares more deeply for me than any other boy has. I am grateful for the nights he holds me while I cry for hours for no reason. I am thankful that he puts up with my random periods of irritability. He constantly attempts to comfort me if I am suddenly uncomfortable when we’re out in public. He fills me with hope for the future when I lead myself down the darkest of paths, plays with my hair when I’m having trouble sleeping, and encourages me to eat when I have no appetite. He takes care of me and I never even had to explain myself. I still consciously think to myself, nine months into this relationship, “Wow, someone is in love with me.” I often think about how lucky I am to be loved, regardless of my flaws in chemistry.

I always feel so dirty. kneeling before Him with blood on my hands, my hair undone, my heart in shambles, and I don’t even know where to begin when I sit at the foot of the cross. I want to scream my apology until it deafens the echoes of my past but we all know that noise does not override it only combines. my apologies combined with my sin, shoving it in the face of a Man who only wants me to love Him but all I keep doing is finding my love elsewhere. I am reckless and messy filled with guilt and regret. my hands are covered in blood and my soul is tarnished and broken. I want to be made whole. I want to be made whole. this is the fifth time today, and still I am pleading

A Prayer for Peace

Heavenly Father,I come before you in the precious name of Jesus;

I acknowledge my weakness and inability to fix myself. Your Word says that in this world I will have troubles but you also said to be of good cheer or take courage because You have overcome the world!

I ask You Lord, that you will calm the troubling of my soul. As you whisper to me “Peace Be Still” I trust that your grace will calm this storm or you will keep me calm in the midst of it. I humbly receive the peace that only you can give!

I receive the guidance of Holy Spirit to lead me and guide onto the Righteous paths in how I think, feel and respond to this situation. I choose to forgive those who would seek to take advantage of my situation through the Blood of Jesus. I trust in your Righteousness to judge that which is evil, unrighteous and wicked in the way that you see fit to do. I pray that the crooked places be made straight and the rough places be made smooth in Jesus name!

Your Word declares that your PEACE meets with your Righteousness as you demonstrate your faithfulness to perform your Word. When you speak “Peace Be Still”

the contrary winds around and the troubles raging seas that seek to overwhelm me, obey your voice!

Where your Spirit is, there is Peace. Where your Spirit is, there is liberty and where your Spirit is, there is comfort and consolation! Holy Spirit as I abide in you, you abide in me and in your presence oh Lord there is fullness of Joy! I receive your comfort, peace and joy in Jesus Name!

Thank you Lord for hearing my cry, for your ear is not deaf that it cannot hear and your arm is not short that it cannot save! You oh Lord who watches over me does not slumber nor sleep but rather you are an ever present help in my times of trouble! You have given me the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness! So I ask that You plant a song in my heart as I open my mouth in praise and give glory unto your Name!

In Jesus Mighty Name I Pray Amen!

From a girl that knows the difference between real magic and smoke and mirrors

The world see’s me in the simplest definitions possibleThe girl with her life together

The one who travels more then she should,

The one who spills poetry from her lips as easily as she inhales air, 

The one he would think would make an easy fuck,

The one who always seems to smile,

They don’t see the hard work, the countless hours I’ve put into my passion and art. They don’t see the heartbreak I’ve encountered that can only be cured by drifting into far away lands full of hope and adventure, they don’t see the person behind painted red lips and wide brown eyes, 

and they certainly don’t see the ache in my chest that comes from each smile, each positive word that leaves my lips.

And the truth is, most people don’t deserve to know the real you, because all those things, those are true strength

First Draft 

lately / my mind has beenspinning the question / what

if i am the sound the tree makes

when it falls in the forest & no

one is around / but i think it’s more

likely that i am the no one / deaf to

the libraries falling all around me /

something like fifty-five million people

die / this year / so many stars

shot off into the darkness / & i’m trying

not to entertain these thoughts / on

the weekends / at least / tonight / my

friends & i / we sit around wooden

tables listening / to music made by musicians

who will never play these songs again / &

we only sing along to yesterday’s living / until

the record stops / & no one gets up to turn it

over / & someone shouts hey! did i already tell you

that i saw a shooting star last night? / & we talk

about how much we adore shooting stars / we

recall the coordinates of the last time

we each have seen one / like they are

some kind of collection of all our lost earrings /

elegant glistening we will never witness in the

light again / & before the conversation spins out /

i get up & flip the vinyl / my step-father

gave to me / so i wouldn’t have to inherit it /

someday / & i cannot tell you how grateful i an for that 

You are not worthless
You are not worth less
Than the sun
The moon 
Or the cool icy skin of those we envy
You are not worth less
Than those with thick beautiful hair 
that you want 
You are not worth less 
Than the people with bodies 
That you claim are #goals
You are not worth less 
Than those who smile happily
Or even those who laugh
With their eyes closed 
And heart openYou are priceless
And I would pay anything
Absolutely anything at all
And if it cost my life
I would pay with my very own life 
For you to be able to see that.
To see that you are not worthless 
I would pay anything 
For you to be able to see
That you are not worth less
Than anything in this world

You deserve 
To smile as bright as the sun
You deserve 
To live a life with your heart open
To live with happiness shining through
Shining through you
And illuminating every room
That you walk into
And illuminating
Every life that you encounter
You deserve the very best of things 
You deserve
The complicated gifts that you receive 
You deserve to
find joy
In even the simplest things
You deserve 
To find joy 
In even just the vibrant colors
You see as you walk 
The aisles of a store

You are worth 
the world 
You are worth 
The world
You deserve
To find hope
And to be able
To see the light 
In even the darkest of times
You deserve 
To see and capture
The light
No matter how dim
Or small it is
You deserve to find that light 
Even in a time that is
The darkest
You’ve ever experienced

You are not worthless
You are not worth less 
Than anything in this world
You are not worth less 
Than the universe
And all the secrets it holds
You are not worth less
Than the happiest of people

You deserve
All of the secret happiness and joy
That this world 
And this universe
Holds just for you

You are not worthless
You are not worth less 
Than anyone
You are not worth less 
No matter what anyone says
You are not worth less 
Than anything at all
Of what you may think
of what you think
You are not worthless
In fact you are worth 
Everything to me

Bisexuality is valid.

achilles is so often called gay by the community and straight by society even though he fell in love with men and women. freddie mercury is known as the most famous gay man even though he self identified as bisexual. channing tatum is constantly called straight even though he’s dated men and women. evan rachel wood and angelina jolie and drew barrymore–all self identified bi women constantly called straight. sappho wrote love poems for both men and women and yalls response to the idea that she might have been bi is “there was no concept of bi/gay back then!! let’s focus on the fact that she was sapphic!!” to the point where her name has become synonymous with gay and she’s called a lesbian icon and y’all only seem to have issues with “concepts” and labels when the concept/label is BI. why am i not surprised

Our earth is only one polka dot among a million stars in the cosmos. Polka dots are a way to infinity. When we obliterate nature and our bodies with polka dots, we become part of the unity of our environment.’ – Yayoi Kusama